I miss my Saab…. it has’t even been 24 hours…. the opportunity for heated seats arose last night…. the toyota doesn’t have them… and I still hate driving an SUV… especially this go-kart of an SUV. Sure.. it’s great on gas and all… but it handles like a go-kart and is genuinely tiny. It fits well into my parking space, much better than the saab… but still… it’s just not me… it was part of a concession to save money and make my dad happy…. but the end result is…. yes.. I’m saving money—- but I’m definitely not happy… once you drive a saab… (after upgrading from the world’s shittiest but most fun to drive ever shitbox cavalier), there is just no going back. This thing doesn’t even have a sunroof… so much for zolof and the sunny days… and it’s silver… that just makes it that much worse.

These days, cowards outnumber the heroes, and the begging souls outweigh the calloused hands of the hardest of workers. Both in life and in art, the lack of passion is sickening, and the lust for complacency is poisonous. This time should be the artistic antithesis of that sinking world; a thorn in the side of their beast. It’s for those who move mountains one day at a time. It’s for those who truly understand sacrifice. In this world of enemies, we will walk alone…

you
you’re a beast, she said
your big white belly
and those hairy feet.
you never cut your nails
and you have fat hands
paws like a cat
your bright red nose
and the biggest balls
I’ve ever seen.
you shoot sperm like a
whale shoots water out of the
hole in its back.

beast beast beast,
she kissed me,
what do you want for
breakfast?

You know.. in all my years of going to shows.. some things have never changed. Of course.. I have.. especially now that I’m a jaded old bastard.. but other than that.. I’ve noticed quite a few things between then and now.. including.. “scene kids.” You know who they are.. you can spot them a mile away. Let’s review the types of scene kids that we all know and love.. If I had more time, I’d find a myspace image of each of these and include them below.. unfortunately… I have a job… or rather… a career…

1. Tough Guy – How could you mistake the tough guy for anything else? He looks like he’d rather be playing football than in the crowd until the band actually starts to play and this shithead thinks kickboxing is appropriate pit behavior. This is the same kid who wears a size medium shirt when he should be wearing a large but does so just because it makes his biceps look that much bigger. This kid walks around with a posse of fellow tough guy meatheads, are usually looking for a fight and generally like to disrupt everyone’s good time. An example is throwing plastic empty water bottles into the crowd from the back. I recently observed countless episodes of meathead tough guys launching waterbottles at unsuspecting troubled teens having a grand old time in the front. Save it for the locker room for your fellow meathead butt buddies, asshole.

2. Coat Rack – This is the tough guy’s girl friend. She is usually abnormally pretty and for some reason commonly blonde. She generally looks like she would rather be shopping and has much better things to do than stand around and watch some stupid band play. Nevertheless.. she stands in the back of the crowd, holding her boyfriend’s jacket, sweatshirt, shirt, hat and or whatever else he has handed her while he spends his time in the front, fucking shit up. He’ll return every once in a while to make sure she’s still around and go back to kicking the crap out of some poor kid in a metallica shirt.

3. Youth Crew Kid – Similar to the tough guy except Youth Crew Kid doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs…if he’s a jew, then add shellfish to the list. Youth Crew Kid listens to Youth of Today, Judge, Minor Threat and generally forgets that it is no longer 1986, nevermind the fact that he wasn’t born yet. Youth Crew Kid takes a cue from the tough guy and kickboxes his way through the pit while doing such exotic dances as the floorpunch, the takedown, the sprinkler, the shopping cart, the rice picker, and my personal favorite.. the windmill. They can be frequently spotted in packs and identified by large thick black “X” markings drawn on their hands.

4. Emo/Indie Rock Kid – not to be confused with the hipster kid. The Emo or indie rock kid always wears a band t-shirt. Usually has feminine-like qualities/features… wears pants or jeans that are way too tight and just plain wrong… I don’t need to see package, guys… Usually knows the words to every song and has been to every show… often can be spotted wearing eye make-up. Don’t even get me started on the fucking hair… guys—no.. good luck getting a real job—there are only a finite number of Pearl Paints, Starbucks and Hot Topics out there.

5. Duh Kid – This kid just doesn’t really fit in anywhere or really belong. He didn’t fit in in high school… (the black trench coat thing kept getting him in trouble)... in college he didn’t quite understand the frat scene… he wasn’t really ever good at anything… instead.. he stands there.. with his greasy, messy, unkempt BIG hair and just hopes that some girl will talk to him. He doesn’t get it…. and he probably never will. Youth Crew Kid and Tough Guy especially love the Duh Kid… he makes for excellent punching bag material.

I’m sure there are others.. although that’s all that comes to mind right now.

Well.. it’s a new year.. it’s been ages since I have touched this thing… there is a number of reasons why… the easiest reason being… that I have been way too busy… the second is that this blog thing has just become so played out… I recently was handed a business card by someone who has a podcast and on their business card—- no joke… it said “Blogger.” As in… that was their occupation. I’m not jealous. I don’t particularly care—- it just shows that this has become so ridiculously mainstream and useless that the real reason why people began to blog in the first place has been thwarted by “corporate blogs” with sponsors touting “reviews” of products and conglomerates like AOL buying up “blog networks.” It’s lost its personality. Now any fool with a free blogger account and a google ads subscription can become a “blogger.” Nein Danke. As for me…. well.. much has happened… first, I got engaged. Second, I started a new job. Third, my fiance’ moved in with me. Fourth, I got a cat. Fifth, I hopelessly want to relive my youth.

Sun Tzu: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” and… oh yeah, Happy November. I’m in the process of switching jobs. Time for a change.

Ok.. so I got on the wrong train.. and ended up in the wrong place… but after I worked that out, I made it to court.. late.. but still made it nevertheless.. made it up to my part.. checked in with the clerk.. sat down, reviewed my file again while waiting for my case to be called… I was there on a settlement conference.. to settle the case.. if it didn’t settle right there and then, we’d be given a trial date right then and there. The conference was held in the “city part” which is this weird thing that exists in NY Supreme wherein every court has a part dedicated only to lawsuits against the city.. (ie—the city is A or THE defendant)... normally I’m not a Plaintiff but in this case, I just happened to be… so there I was… waiting for my case to get called in the city part.. no other parties were going to be present.. and then.. after about 2 hours and way too much sudoku, my case was called. I strutted right in like I owned the place, sat right down in front of the judge at the conference table spread out my papers… gave my name.. and began responding to all their questions… injuries.. damages.. etc.. ok.. let’s make a deal, I thought… I eagerly spit out my demand… Then… like a record scratch.. the room fell silent.. and the judge… well.. he laughed at me.. and said.. “You’ve got some nerve, kid.” Whoah.. them’s fightin’ words! KID? I’m a fucking goat now? “You want to settle this case, Counselor, I suggest you discuss this case with your clients and come up with a demand that is IN THIS WORLD.” (Admittedly, my demand WAS high.. higher than the case was worth.. but that is where I opened the door to negotiation.. expecting a counter-offer from the city person sitting right next to the judge… nope.. no counter..).. ok… I reduced my demand…. (after some brief negotiating) and fired it off… met with intent stares this time, I was pleased no one was laughing… then.. I get pulled outside by the judge’s clerk.. he wants to talk… he wants to make a deal.. he tells me he talked to the city.. he can probably squeeze out some money.. but not nearly what I’m looking for.. he tells me to go.. talk to my clients.. call them.. see what they’ll do… I leave my things and my briefcase in chambers.. head for the hall to make the call and ACK!! NO RECEPTION… I move toward the window.. no reception.. I move down the corridor.. no reception.. I look for change in my pocket (they do have payphones all over the courthouse..)—nope.. no change.. ok.. I’ll just keep walking until I find a place to make a call… I’m walking.. I’m walking (really really fast)... wait.. why is this woman falling immediately in front of me.. CRASH…........ yes, now I’ve fallen.. on top of this poor woman.. I’ve dropped my phone… it slid down the hall.. there are people everywhere.. coming toward us.. some asshole is laughing at the end of the hall.. I broke my fall with my elbows (OUCH!)... had I not, I had the chance of really fucking this poor woman up more than she already looked fucked up.. apparently.. someone spilled something very slippery on the floor… this poor woman wiped out..bad.. hit her head and everything… I slid and fell right over her… but there was no time for pain!! I HAD to make the call.. I had to find reception… so I got up.. dusted myself off.. fucking TMOBILE Ran down 4 flights of stairs.. still no reception… ran over to the front door.. crap! I left my court ID upstairs.. I won’t be able to get back in.. I’ll have to wait on the long long long line with THEM…....... I ran over to a court officer and said.. “I need to make a call. I left my court ID in chambers with the judge… can I please just step out to make a call.” Surprisingly, he said yes.. I ran out into the front of the courthouse.. (there’s a lot of steps..)... crossed the street and stood at the highest outdoor point (there’s a big park there).. and surprise!! 5 BARS I placed that call…. and then there was no answer (after all that).. so I called my office.. got in touch with some senior associate.. then my partner… we decided on a strategy.. I needed to adjourn the matter for a bit.. we needed to consult with the client… ok… I hung up.. ran back across the street.. back up the stairs—around where the poor woman was still on the floor.. except this time there were police and ambulance personnel tending to her… (LAWSUIT!!)... kept running.. down the hall…. right back into the courtroom.. (by the way.. my fucking elbows STILL hurt)... and back into chambers… reluctantly, they agreed to put the matter off for 2 weeks… and in 2 weeks… I’ll have to do it all again… (to be continued).

Its way too cold out for October… And its way too early to be typing this… but at least it’s Friday and that makes everything alright.

So Fall came rolling in… nothing really changed.. I moved my plant indoors.. I don’t want it to freeze.. it actually hit in the 40s last Friday night.. so yeah.. a lot of leaves have just fallen off the trees.. rather than go will all the bright colors—they just got all kamikaze and started covering everything.. weird. I’ve been busy—trying to keep my head above water, so to speak, with work. Went to a wedding with Paula.. finished all of Lost – Seasons 1 & 2 and am waiting for the Premiere of Season 3 (tomorrow). That damn show is really addicting and Evangeline… well.. she’s quite a knockout.. definitely easy on the eyes. Going to see Social Distortion soon.. looking very much forward to it… every SocialD show is a damn good time. One of the greatest things about a SocialD show is that I don’t have to worry about getting pushed around by meatheads or 14 year old kids with tattoos and blue hair (New Found Glory shows? Warped Tour?)—I’m a little bit too old to deal with shit like this.. I realized this when I got into it with this annoyingly large 15 year old girl who kept pushing my friend around when I went to see Thursday a few years ago. We were standing at the bar and this fat girl just tried to squeeze in to order a soda (NOT EVEN DIET!) and just shoved my friend out of the way.. I snapped and went off on her.. her wait.. her attitude.. her hair.. everything. It was probably enough to make this girl want to go to fat camp.. I was brutal.. and then to make it all worse.. after I left, I considered appologizing to her if I saw her again in the parking lot.. I felt bad. I’m too old for this shit. I like how the Trocadero in Philly deals with shit like this.. or at least, how they used to. Upstairs is for 21+.. you have a comfortable seat, a great view and you can have a drink… all while overlooking the 16 year old kids beating the shit out of each other… yes.. I was 16 once.. but pit etiquette has definitely changed since then.. there IS no pitiquette anymore.. someone stops to tie their shoe… kick’em in the head… it’s just NOT like it used to be. Hell, I remember seeing a circle pit at an Avail show in like ‘96 where they had some dude actually DIRECTING TRAFFIC… those were the days.. now, you’re just lucky if some drunk sweaty ass doesn’t swing his fist into the back of your head. At least there is always Lifetime.. people that go see Lifetime are at least old enough to do it right. They’ve all been around long enough to not be retards (except for the idiots who got thrown out of the Bowery Ballroom show).