beast beast beast,
she kissed me,
what do you want for
breakfast?

1. Tough Guy – How could you mistake the tough guy for anything else? He looks like he’d rather be playing football than in the crowd until the band actually starts to play and this shithead thinks kickboxing is appropriate pit behavior. This is the same kid who wears a size medium shirt when he should be wearing a large but does so just because it makes his biceps look that much bigger. This kid walks around with a posse of fellow tough guy meatheads, are usually looking for a fight and generally like to disrupt everyone’s good time. An example is throwing plastic empty water bottles into the crowd from the back. I recently observed countless episodes of meathead tough guys launching waterbottles at unsuspecting troubled teens having a grand old time in the front. Save it for the locker room for your fellow meathead butt buddies, asshole.

2. Coat Rack – This is the tough guy’s girl friend. She is usually abnormally pretty and for some reason commonly blonde. She generally looks like she would rather be shopping and has much better things to do than stand around and watch some stupid band play. Nevertheless.. she stands in the back of the crowd, holding her boyfriend’s jacket, sweatshirt, shirt, hat and or whatever else he has handed her while he spends his time in the front, fucking shit up. He’ll return every once in a while to make sure she’s still around and go back to kicking the crap out of some poor kid in a metallica shirt.

3. Youth Crew Kid – Similar to the tough guy except Youth Crew Kid doesn’t drink, smoke or do drugs…if he’s a jew, then add shellfish to the list. Youth Crew Kid listens to Youth of Today, Judge, Minor Threat and generally forgets that it is no longer 1986, nevermind the fact that he wasn’t born yet. Youth Crew Kid takes a cue from the tough guy and kickboxes his way through the pit while doing such exotic dances as the floorpunch, the takedown, the sprinkler, the shopping cart, the rice picker, and my personal favorite.. the windmill. They can be frequently spotted in packs and identified by large thick black “X” markings drawn on their hands.

4. Emo/Indie Rock Kid – not to be confused with the hipster kid. The Emo or indie rock kid always wears a band t-shirt. Usually has feminine-like qualities/features… wears pants or jeans that are way too tight and just plain wrong… I don’t need to see package, guys… Usually knows the words to every song and has been to every show… often can be spotted wearing eye make-up. Don’t even get me started on the fucking hair… guys—no.. good luck getting a real job—there are only a finite number of Pearl Paints, Starbucks and Hot Topics out there.

5. Duh Kid – This kid just doesn’t really fit in anywhere or really belong. He didn’t fit in in high school… (the black trench coat thing kept getting him in trouble)... in college he didn’t quite understand the frat scene… he wasn’t really ever good at anything… instead.. he stands there.. with his greasy, messy, unkempt BIG hair and just hopes that some girl will talk to him. He doesn’t get it…. and he probably never will. Youth Crew Kid and Tough Guy especially love the Duh Kid… he makes for excellent punching bag material.

I’m sure there are others.. although that’s all that comes to mind right now.

I be bringin’ sexy aft
Them other boys dasn’t know how t’ act
I think ye`re special whats behind yer aft
So turn around an’ ill pick up th’ slack.
Take em` t’ th’ bridge

[Bridge]
Dirty babe
Ye be seein’ these shackles
Baby I be yer slave
I`ll let ye cat o’ nine tails me if I misbehave
`Tis jus’ that nay one makes me feel this way

Take em` t’ th’ chorus

[Chorus]
Come here girl
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
Come t’ th’ aft
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
VIP
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
Drinks on me
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
Let me be seein’ what ye`re workin’ wi’
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
Eyeball them hips
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
Ye make me smile
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
Go ahead child
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t
An’ get yer sexy on
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t

Get yer sexy on
Go ahead, be gone wi’ ‘t

[X6]

Get yer sexy on

[Verse 2]
I be bringin’ sexy aft
Them other boys dasn’t know how t’ act
Come let me make up fer th’ things ye lack
Cause yer burnin’ up I gotta get ‘t fast
Take em` t’ th’ bridge

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

[Verse 3]
I be bringin’ sexy aft
Them other boys dasn’t know how t’ act
If that`s yer girl ye better watch yer aft
Cause she`ll burn ‘t up fer me an’ that`s a fact

Take em` t’ th’ chorus

[Chorus]